Thursday, September 27, 2007

THE TOP 10 EXCUSES I HAVE MADE FOR THE 2007 METS.

From the home office in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, we bring you tonight’s TOP TEN LIST:

10. “They just need to make Julio Franco a coach instead of a player, and that void in the lineup won’t be a problem any more.”
9. “Omar’s not done making trades yet. He’ll pull some rabbit out of his pocket again.”
8. “None of the beat reporters speak Spanish fluently. How is it possible to be a baseball writer in 2007 and not speak Spanish?”
7. “It’s a cultural thing. We’re making assumptions about their reactions or attitude based on the white cultural hegemony.” (Yes, I really did say “hegemony.")
6. “It’s been a really abnormally cold spring and it’s been tough on the pitchers. I blame global warming.”
5. “Willie needs to keep a calm front with the press, I’m sure he’s much more inspirational behind closed doors.”
4. “There’s just too much media these days. If there were less people asking what time Carlos Delgado took the garbage out last night, he’d hit better.”
3. “Cliff Floyd was a great clubhouse presence and he’s gone.”
2. “D.Wright isn’t a rookie anymore, and it’s tough to adjust.”

AND THE NUMBER ONE EXCUSE I HAVE MADE FOR THE 2007 METS:

1. “They’re not the 2006 Mets.”